7 Father’s Day Alternatives
For over 20 years I celebrated Father’s Day by attending brunches, gifting socks, lunchboxes and all the typical dad gifts. I am very grateful for that time spent but nothing makes this hallmark holiday of Father’s Day easier to stomach without him. I can’t avoid the thought to call him, hear one of his jokes or ask a question about my car, but he isn’t around any more. So over the years I have searched high and low for ways to “celebrate” Father’s Day without my dad. For those of us who lost a parent too soon, or simply can’t access them I want to share a few things I have done over the years to get through this tough day.
Stay off of social media - people want to celebrate their loved ones and since I can’t do that I don’t want to be flooded with images of people doing something I can’t do.
What is something that he loved? My dad loved all kinds of sweets and pastries. So, on this day I will find a tasty treat and indulge with him in mind.
Are there friends around who are available to hang out? Spend time with them or others that you love. I have found that leaving my house and getting into an activity with friends is a helpful distraction. Especially when I didn’t want to address feeling sad.
Write a letter or note of things that you would have said. In the first few years, I found this to be a helpful relief to get the thoughts out of my head.
Plan a trip. I planned to travel and spend time with my best friend, she knows me better than anyone else and is great at creating a distraction. I did this for maybe 2-3 years when grief was still a part of my daily life.
Memorial dinner or event with your family. If you have a close relationship with your other family members it may be helpful to recall your favorite memories, look at pictures and share what you could have done this time around.
For those who like to move your body to work through tough days. I offer a hike, museum visit, skating, yoga or anything that feels like fun and a release.
Whatever you decide to do - Do not force yourself to participate in something that does not resonate with you.
Do not make yourself responsible to hold someone else’s grief. You can’t fix this for them but planning something to cope together allows all parties to feel whatever you need together. My sister and I researched the best bakery in town and tried an assortment of their sweets, while we indulged she shared some memories that she had with our dad before I was born, it was healing, I learned something new about him and it brought us closer.
Finally, give your close friends a heads up. I usually say something like “This day is never easy for me but I would love to do something with you to stay in positive spirits and off of social media.”
“I’m not in the greatest mood since Father’s day is coming around, can we plan something together?”
