Soft sides of failure
Hey! How did it go? Did you get any results from your test? Several people who were cheering me on for months while I studied for a certification test were reaching out via text. Everyone wanted to hear me say that I passed my test and how I was going to celebrate. Well that moment never came because I actually failed the test; to give a little context I had been studying since October 2023 with a study group and passing would have been the icing on the cake for my professional career. In late January, I bumped up my study hours to 2 hours after work 4 days a week then at least 3-4 hours per day on the weekend. It was at this point that I started letting people know that I was less available due to studying. After all of that I still failed this test and I am not sure how to reconcile all of the feelings, but I wanted to share this experience because when we are working towards something we never want to tell anyone. I am that person, I rarely share my struggles with anyone outside of my immediate circle, only the good experiences.
The experience of telling people I got the less desired result was terrifying, what would they think of me? To my surprise, they embraced me with kind words, empathy for this rotten experience and soo much support to keep going. Now, 2 weeks out from what we are calling “the april event” I found myself returning to those messages over and over. They are great for quieting the devil on my shoulder saying “I told you so”, or “you don’t deserve this job if you can’t pass”. We share the best news with everyone we know, but we rarely share the toughest news. This experience taught me that if you give people an opportunity to care they will do their very best to be there for you. I didn’t need to suffer in silence, I could let people in to (figuratively or literally) hold the box of tissues, remind me that a certification does not define me, or that this certification is just another useless measure of peoples abilities and isn’t all that relevant. For now to recover, I am catching up on all the fun I skipped out on and highlighting my wins for the year.
The jury is still out on when I will return to this dreadful test, but I am sure that I’ve curated a network that truly cares and that is better than any certification.
